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untold

I saw you at the field 
I saw you from far
like too far away
just couldn't get closer enough 
to even see your face

I walked pass you
at the corridor
yet I couldn't look at your face
at all
but still
your scent
your perfume

you are doing fine
you still have the brightest smile
you still do the things that you're passionate about
you are still you
the one who I used to know

your life is going well
you went through this 
like there was nothing 
happened 
maybe I'm difficult to be love
by anyone 

now that you're no longer 
messed up
my absence was a great start
I know you're fine, will always be fine
with or without me

I do know there's someone else
in your mind
my instincts could never be wrong
she is better, maybe matured enough
than my shitty mind
better enough than my selfishness 
and ignorance
she brings you joy
what’s left that I can say?

If happy is her, im happy for you. 

I just wanted to let you know, I do acknowledge everything that happened to you, I do care, I just don't show it up. I don't talk bad about you to other, I do ask people to stop hurting you, I do lose some of my friends who are against you, I choose to stay in silence everytime they asked me to be with someone better, I choose you even though they said that I deserve better. I swear that since the past few days, im not being me. 
you wanna know why I keep containing myself? because I love you so much that im afraid that you would leave me. I'm afraid that my feeling is taken for granted, im afraid of being vulnerable. you see me as an ignorant, but you have ever know how much I care and doing things in silence just for you?
You called me selfish, for not even trying to understand you. Have you ever know that how much does it hurts to always being there for you but only as a friend while I love you so freaking much? Yes, I never told you this, but now im letting you know. If I were given choices to stay as a friend or to let you go for forever. Let us just be friends, I couldn't bear the pain of losing you. This unrequited love leaves me with pain, but not talking to you, leave me with even a deeper scar. I just want to see you happy. 

 If my absence is a happiness, I shall leave.



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