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Pains

On Hari Raya,
was it supposed to be fun?
was it supposed to be happy?

I dreamt of you, last night
You are into some else
You said that she is the only one 
”Only Aisyah is the name who makes me happy”
I don't know why that the name popped up
I woke up in tears again

Woke up this morning 
realized that you deleted my phone number
my mood plummeted 
I stop doing whatever I do 
right at the moment 

I swear to God
the pain is strong 
and urges rise 
the suicidal thoughts 
the feeling of not being good enough

why I wasn't enough for you?
how should I show that I care about you?




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