An open letter,
To you, the one who will never read through this.
Hi, it has been two days since the last time you told me that you don't feel the same anymore due to my mistakes, due to my acts. I was the one who had been hard to handle, who full of insecurities and anxiety, which again became the barrier for us. It was me, the one who made you tired. It was me, my fault.
You make me believe I'm hard to be loved, you make me believe I'm not worth it. The only last words I told you was "Thank you, Iloveyou" But today, here my really last words, for you. The one who I will never forget.
We have been friends for like two years, being your friend minus all of the dramas that we created, it was a completely euphoric, full of hilarious jokes, an extravagantly rhapsodic. It felt like there was a clicked, which I'm proud of being myself around you, the silliness showed were real. Everything was real.
Remember, your first breakup with your "five years girlfriend", I was there, witnessed how mentally tortured you were. Being there for you, hearing to your problems, "lepak" after class, "jom cendol" "jom anjung", and which lead to the late-night calls. The closer we get, the more you share. Until one fine day you crossed the line, "Aku fikir aku nak hang." That's it. The story started, here came the dates. But somehow within a month, it crashed badly due to a simple mistake. Which been taken seriously, like I was the one who betrayed you. Due to one simple question "Who she is? Did they tell me the right things?" It crumbled.
In the next two weeks, you cut me off from your life without a proper goodbye. And suddenly, a new girlfriend. It was final-exam, which consumed a lot. For the first time, I cried my lung out in front of my friends, I pulled my hair as the pain of crying was too much. It took 6 months to completely not to fake a smile and laughed again.
I was fine, after that. At the end of semester three, I was completely being alive, travel along with my mates. I still talk about you, I do. A lot. The memories still there, how I thought it was real when I just a rebound.
Then, it came to the first night of semester four, my phone's notification rung. I thought I heard it wrong, it was a familiar sound which I've never hear it for 8 months. Istg, I was nervous to even opened the text. The simple one "Wa, nak minta tolong boleh?" That was the starting, doomed! I replied to your text. Some several things which I was able to help you with, I do help. No grudge at all, but the emotional flooded which capsized me, myself. I was upset. I knew that you just broke up with that girl.
After two weeks, you called me. One and a half hours, you talked, non-stopped. The sorry, the sound of your tears still replay on my mind. Now, you said that you learned your mistakes. And of course, I cried, the answers I once sought, answered.
Again, we got a little closer day by day. Being friends, here came the silly jokes again, cursing each other, stupid laughing, more and more conversations. This was the part where I feel the most real for us. I do ache sometimes, as my feeling was still unresolved at the moment but yes, I was hiding it from you. And being friends for the whole semester, was fine and fine and better and happy. You helped me through my hard time, most of the time. You always have the right words to say. Yet, again, most of the time, you nagged. How your ex left you, how she was this and that. It was her, 24/7. It was how you're not okay being left.
You left me for her, she left you for someone else and then you came to me, talked about her. How painful it was for me? Those were some moment my emotion flooded, I do cry a lot. I am a second-best, a second option. It was never about me, it was always about the other girls. It consumed a lot of energy to act fine in front of you.
Until the semester break, we on called almost every night. How we suddenly brought up about the past. I was fine with it. Yet, the moment "nakk Waaa". Again, you crossed the line. Me again, crying my heart out, banging my head off to the wall because you know how much I love you but you used to torture my feeling with this kind of stupid shit. The fought, I was about to cut you off from my life. The only thing that saved me from doing it, the sweater I bought you with, as a gift.
Until then, I bore up. As the sweater received into your safe hand, I'm out.
But guess what happened 10 days after?
We started to talk again. What the hell?!!
After a month, on 13/10/19.
You confessed, that you love me.
And of course, I love you too. I was madly in love with you.
To you, the one who will never read through this.
Hi, it has been two days since the last time you told me that you don't feel the same anymore due to my mistakes, due to my acts. I was the one who had been hard to handle, who full of insecurities and anxiety, which again became the barrier for us. It was me, the one who made you tired. It was me, my fault.
You make me believe I'm hard to be loved, you make me believe I'm not worth it. The only last words I told you was "Thank you, Iloveyou" But today, here my really last words, for you. The one who I will never forget.
We have been friends for like two years, being your friend minus all of the dramas that we created, it was a completely euphoric, full of hilarious jokes, an extravagantly rhapsodic. It felt like there was a clicked, which I'm proud of being myself around you, the silliness showed were real. Everything was real.
Remember, your first breakup with your "five years girlfriend", I was there, witnessed how mentally tortured you were. Being there for you, hearing to your problems, "lepak" after class, "jom cendol" "jom anjung", and which lead to the late-night calls. The closer we get, the more you share. Until one fine day you crossed the line, "Aku fikir aku nak hang." That's it. The story started, here came the dates. But somehow within a month, it crashed badly due to a simple mistake. Which been taken seriously, like I was the one who betrayed you. Due to one simple question "Who she is? Did they tell me the right things?" It crumbled.
In the next two weeks, you cut me off from your life without a proper goodbye. And suddenly, a new girlfriend. It was final-exam, which consumed a lot. For the first time, I cried my lung out in front of my friends, I pulled my hair as the pain of crying was too much. It took 6 months to completely not to fake a smile and laughed again.
I was fine, after that. At the end of semester three, I was completely being alive, travel along with my mates. I still talk about you, I do. A lot. The memories still there, how I thought it was real when I just a rebound.
Then, it came to the first night of semester four, my phone's notification rung. I thought I heard it wrong, it was a familiar sound which I've never hear it for 8 months. Istg, I was nervous to even opened the text. The simple one "Wa, nak minta tolong boleh?" That was the starting, doomed! I replied to your text. Some several things which I was able to help you with, I do help. No grudge at all, but the emotional flooded which capsized me, myself. I was upset. I knew that you just broke up with that girl.
After two weeks, you called me. One and a half hours, you talked, non-stopped. The sorry, the sound of your tears still replay on my mind. Now, you said that you learned your mistakes. And of course, I cried, the answers I once sought, answered.
Again, we got a little closer day by day. Being friends, here came the silly jokes again, cursing each other, stupid laughing, more and more conversations. This was the part where I feel the most real for us. I do ache sometimes, as my feeling was still unresolved at the moment but yes, I was hiding it from you. And being friends for the whole semester, was fine and fine and better and happy. You helped me through my hard time, most of the time. You always have the right words to say. Yet, again, most of the time, you nagged. How your ex left you, how she was this and that. It was her, 24/7. It was how you're not okay being left.
You left me for her, she left you for someone else and then you came to me, talked about her. How painful it was for me? Those were some moment my emotion flooded, I do cry a lot. I am a second-best, a second option. It was never about me, it was always about the other girls. It consumed a lot of energy to act fine in front of you.
Until the semester break, we on called almost every night. How we suddenly brought up about the past. I was fine with it. Yet, the moment "nakk Waaa". Again, you crossed the line. Me again, crying my heart out, banging my head off to the wall because you know how much I love you but you used to torture my feeling with this kind of stupid shit. The fought, I was about to cut you off from my life. The only thing that saved me from doing it, the sweater I bought you with, as a gift.
Until then, I bore up. As the sweater received into your safe hand, I'm out.
But guess what happened 10 days after?
We started to talk again. What the hell?!!
After a month, on 13/10/19.
You confessed, that you love me.
And of course, I love you too. I was madly in love with you.
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