Misadventures.

I wish I could keep my eyes closed If it's the only way not to miss you Woefully sick, even my eyes shut It's you, always you in my mind The memories dwell. Don't even know how to profess But the void keeping me insane I'm distraught Missing those silly jokes Longing the sound of your voice Yearning for you. Praying But it comes back empty-handed A crestfallen I wish I couldn't feel you In the first place.

After a month, on 13/10/19. You c onfessed, that you love me. And of course, I love you too. I was irrationally in love with you. I accepted you in my life for the third time. But guess what, five days after, you said that you were terrified of all of this, you were afraid of what future holds for us. I wept again, stupid me. I hid it from everyone, the pain. And this "break up" was the best for us. I served the rules.  After a week, you started to end every call with I love you. Day by day, it became serious. We agreed on no declaration, no status and I was fine with it.  Trusting my gut feeling, giving you my all I could ever give.  I don't fucking care about the status, the only thing I want is honesty.   Yet, I was never enough for you. The way you told me that I don't try to inaugurate, initiate the conversations, the way I don't appreciate you, that was what we fought about, every time. Every single time. Have you ever see how much I tuned i...

An open letter, To you, the one who will never read through this. Hi, it has been two days since the last time you told me that you don't feel the same anymore due to my mistakes, due to my acts. I was the one who had been hard to handle, who full of insecurities and anxiety, which again became the barrier for us. It was me, the one who made you tired. It was me, my fault. You make me believe I'm hard to be loved, you make me believe I'm not worth it. The only last words I told you was "Thank you, Iloveyou" But today, here my really last words, for you. The one who I will never forget. We have been friends for like two years, being your friend minus all of the dramas that we created, it was a completely euphoric, full of hilarious jokes, an extravagantly rhapsodic. It felt like there was a clicked, which I'm proud of being myself around you, the silliness showed were real. Everything was real. Remember, your first breakup with your "five years g...

I should have known Why you stuttered Why you hesitated Why you faltered A vague, uncertainty, hazy The doubt The confusion has been worse The vacillation and indecision Unrelentingly harsh I’ve fallen For a stupid game Thought love is enough to be trade Naive Idiotic Petty Enough to describe how stupid I am To be there, Fallen for the “I love you soo much”

The best gift ever, The most memorable, The utmost appreciated. Remember who grins from ear to ear? Remember who keeps on sniffing her jersey? Even when there were few people in front of her, Nothing stopped her from smiling, grinning, looking delighted. Hesitated to bring the jersey out from the bag, Hesitated to wear it, Only to let the scent stay longer. Almost every night, For two weeks, she kept on hugging it when sleeping. That's how much she's into him. 25.11.2019

Maybe it’s true it’s a loop and that’s the cue on the verge of halt. It’s a timeless pitfall a callous end as some poems don’t rhyme some stories have no end. In a fit of temper  one needs to hurl  the unsettled part  as the wince never be shown  though it cuts. nr, 190519

Have you ever listened to someone speak passionately about something and you became totally unaware of what was going on around you, lost track of time, and became absorbed by their presence? Do think back to a time when you were talking passionately about things to me. Did you notice that I gave you my full attention? Recall how you probably spoke confidently, and with self-assurance in your voice.  I find it attractive, since day one.  Seeing you passionate about something, the way you're into it, really give me that idea. The way you get excited over a little thing, The way you get emotional over a small problem,  I enjoyed it.  Little did you know, it was you yourself, who makes you perfectly attractive.

lengai kelat  rasa aku lelah pamit aku pinta lerai segala dusta bukan jelingan  hanya saat rapuh terpa  tuntut aku  selit rasa terlaku dosa cerca rasa tiada bersalah tuntut aku  paling dari pandang tidak toleh sekian kali lopong kini simpati tersisa saki baki yang tak mudah lagi terlepas pergi.